You know I have had trouble putting together tonight's email. I had prepared a video to share this week, but I've decided not to post it as, like my thoughts, it was a little erratic and disjointed. Instead I will try and just write my heart.
This last two weeks has been crazy. A few close have seen the tears and seen me lose it. The public-ness of it all, is quite emotionally exhausting.
People have questioned my why. Close friends and family have even questioned my why and honestly this has hurt.
I truly can not give you a complete answer. I do not know why things affect me so deeply.
I do believe that everyone's hearts are awakened to different things. I think at the end of the day I get frustrated that we seem to assume some else will.
Life is to short for comfort. We don't have time for fluffy living. There is desire deep into my heart that I want to leave this earth knowing I made a difference. I have the same two feet as you. Our feet can sit in comfort or our feet can make foot prints.
My identity has changed. The physical world holds extreme value in personal looks. Even when dropping Will off at school, I heard a little boy comment to Will, "your mum has no hair". Even at a young age, people recognise difference. Difference is confronting. But difference also creates opportunity.
The conversations I have had already have moved me, and these would not have happened if I wasn't going through this experience. A new friend meet this week, said losing her hair was ok, but when she lost her eyebrows and eyelashes, that impacted her.
A girlfriends post on facebook showed me I was helping her 75 year old nanna, as she sat to have her beauty be shaved off. She said showing her my picture provided her comfort in her grief.
So beautiful, can I encourage you to back yourself. I feel like I have cried enough. I feel like it's time to stand. Each day I build my foundations by reading devotions which set my heart apart from the world. The inner strength will enable me when I feel like I just can't bare another person to look at me while going to get fuel or am standing in the grocery line.
I have to be my biggest supporter. You need to be your biggest supporter. You need to believe that you can, even if you feel you just don't want to.
My challenge to you this week is to back yourself. Replace the negative thought with the positive and back yourself.